


these lies

by crickets



Series: Names and Curses [1]
Category: Lost
Genre: Incest, Multi, jawyercita
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-03
Updated: 2007-05-03
Packaged: 2017-10-02 03:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crickets/pseuds/crickets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(five things jack doesn't talk about)</p>
            </blockquote>





	these lies

**1.  
Every Word Was a Lie**

She is younger than he is, small and shivering underneath his hands, tiny tits hard and underdeveloped. When he pushes into her, even before the crying and the bleeding, he can tell she isn't ready, so tight and nowhere near wet enough. But he _is_ ready, and at seventeen, that's all that matters to him.

He is rough with her and too uncaring, and when he comes it's fast and hard and if he's telling the truth, it will never be that intense again.

She wants to cuddle after but he tells her he’s got practice, kisses her forehead, says he loves her, and leaves her alone in her pink bloodstained sheets.

Every word was a lie.

**2.  
He Still Thinks About Her Sometimes**

Weeks later, she comes to him, says she’s never late and rattles on about pink and blue stripes. None of it really registers. None of it matters. He tells her she’s a lying little slut and walks out, goes to the park where they had their first date.

Later, when she shows up, he kisses her and tells her they’re too young, tells her that their lives will be over.

He drives her to the clinic. It’s cold and the heat in the car doesn’t work and he can tell that she doesn’t want to go through with it. He says things he’s only heard come out of the mouths of the fucktards he plays ball with, guys he hates, guys he vowed he’d never become.

She cries afterwards, and they break up.

He still thinks about her sometimes.

**3.  
He Never Wanted to be a Doctor**

Jack never did what he really wanted; never made the hard choice, never told his father how he really felt, married the wrong girl, never telling her that he did it out of guilt.

His mantra never stopped. _Don’t let them down. Don’t be selfish. Don’t let them see that you’ve got no fucking clue who you even are. _

He never liked the smell of antiseptic either, the ting of dirty needles in the hazmat repository, the patients, sad and pale and desperate, looking at him like he’s some kind of savior.

He’s no savior. He’s just a man.

 

**4.  
He’s Always Wanted Them Both**

She belongs to someone else; though he’s not quite sure she wants it that way. So every few days, when he trudges through the hot sand to see if she’s okay, he maintains he’s doing it because it’s his duty – Doctor Jack, accidental leader and the designated keeper of secrets.

She tells him things, things he knows she doesn’t tell anyone else, and when he holds her gaze it’s a little too long, and her eyes tell him that she doesn’t mind. No, she doesn’t mind at all.

When they run into each other on the trail one night, they do it quite literally. Their fumbling does not go unnoticed by a shadow in the brush, wiry, tall, his breath reeking of the last of his whiskey stash. He watches them, and Jack can feel his eyes on them, can see him in his peripheral vision, doesn’t stop, and comes with Sawyer’s name in his head and Claire’s on his lips.

**5.  
It Does Matter. He Will Leave Her.**

The dusty black hood over his head and he’s a prisoner once again. At least this time he’s not alone and not behind a wall of glass or cage bars.

She’s there with him when they learn the truth, a yellowed file full of proof. How can they know everything?

She sobs and he manages to hold her hand despite their shackles. He kisses her lips, tells her it doesn’t matter and that he’ll never leave her.

But it does and he _will_, if only in his head.

These lies remind him of a girl surrounded by bloody pink sheets.


End file.
